She Becomes da Andāgī Nazi
Copyright © 2023 by Lee A. Tonouchi. Originally published in Chiburu: Anthology of Hawai‘i Okinawan Literature (Bess Press, 2023).
People always say
my Grandma
makes
da bes
andāgī.
Usually my Grandma
one nice le-de,
but I dunno who she is
when I bring home
andāgī
from someplace
else.
Cuz she always gotta get
someting for say
and it’s
not
tank you.
Dis one no nahf cook.
Oil gotta be hot you know.
Hakum so small.
Orosen grape.
Funnnnny kine da color.
Dis no egg yolk, food coloring muss be.
Andāgī gotta be round.
What shape dis?
Too much one time dey fry.
As why come koge.
How much dey sell dis kine?
O, no buy next time.
No mo’ da taste.
Wea dis from? Health food stoa?
People always say
my Grandma
makes
da bes
andāgī.
And my Grandma
tinks so
too.
____________________________________________
Batteries
Copyright © 2011 by Lee A. Tonouchi. From Significant Moments in da life of Oriental Faddah and Son: One Hawai‘i Okinawan Journal (Bess Press, 2011). Originally published in Rattle.
I used to nag my Grandma
buy me toys, buy me toys.
And wenevah she bought me one,
Grandpa would go “Too much omocha.”
So raddah than get da scoldings
I used to colleck stuff
I found around da house, like
matchbook covers,
bottlecaps,
used stamps.
I even tried collecking rocks
but wuzn’t really
interesting to me.
My Grandpa kept saying I should
colleck leaves.
I tink he wuz trowing da hints like
he wanted me for help him
rake da yard.
Den one day
wen I wuz emptying da rubbish can
I found one used battery.
Wuz real diff’rent
looking. Wuz deep blue
and bronze color,
wit one cat drawing on top.
Da shiny metallic colors
wuz pretty trips.
My Mom toll my Dad
abunai,
dangerous if I start
collecking dat kine,
bumbye da acid leak
and might go insai my eye.
God gave us one perfect son
and now this is how we take care?
I wuz perfeck my Mom sed.
I tot she wuz perfeck too.
I wuz happy God gave her to me.
My Dad just rolled his eyes
cuz my Mom wuz always worrying about me.
So for make her happy, he toll me
wen brown stuff starts for come out
den das wen I had for trow ’em away.
Da brown stuff is acid, poison he sed.
But da only time I seen acid come out
wuz wen I leff
da flashlight on for like
couple years
and so all da electricity wen go leak.
I figured
so long as
da battery
wuzn’t insai nahting
electricals
den nevah need werry.
Safe. Can keep ’em forevah.
One day my Mom took me Shirokiya.
She wuz happy I nevah ask for one toy
in long time
so she sed I can have one
brand new battery,
anyone I wanted.
And Shirokiya had all da
colorful-kine kines from Japan.
Aftah we leff,
My Mom buckled me in my seat
and I put my new green battery
insai my giant nori container.
Me and my Mom wuz
jus driving back home
wen all of a sudden
we got bang from da side.
I seen my battery jar
buss open
and all my batteries
wen fly all ova da place.
My Mom wuzn’t moving.
She wuzn’t checking on me
for see if I wuz okay.
Planny people wuz looking at us
from on top da sidewalk.
And I seen
planny blood leaking
from my Mom.
So much blood
wuz coming out
I knew God wouldn’t
let me keep her
anymore.
_________________________________________
Maui Grandma’s Regret
Copyright © 2010 by Lee A. Tonouchi. From Significant Moments in da life of Oriental Faddah and Son: One Hawai‘i Okinawan Journal (Bess Press, 2011). Originally published in New Writing.
You tink
you Faddah born la’dat, HAH?!
Him husky boy was, you know.
Him and Alvin allatime
go play down da ditch.
One day big rain
you Faddah catch fever,
body come numb.
We all some worry.
Da doctor, nurse
no like touch you Faddah.
Dey tink contagious, polio.
Nobody like go by him.
Our Basan, Jisan tell
bring him home, bring him home.
Da doctor happy, tell go, go.
We take him drive go see
Toyama Jisan down Waikapü.
He know
wot everybody dunno.
Everyday he find da point
and he put da herb.
Wit da senko stick he yaito
and burn you Faddah.
You Faddah no can feel nahting;
his body all stiff.
Neck down
no can move.
Den slow by slow
da nerve come out.
Hand move. Feet move.
Pretty soon can stand up.
But haole lady tell bettah
take ’em go real doctor,
check.
Honolulu Doctor see
he tell, miracle dis boy.
But he say mo’ safe if
operate, make shua cure.
Honolulu Doctor make operation
den noddah operation one mo’.
Den put metal brace.
I take you Faddah back Maui.
I opa him, carry him
so he no need limp.
I should’ve let Toyama Jisan
continue sa’mo was.
Das my only regret.
________________________________________
Significant Moments in da Life of Oriental Faddah and Son
Copyright © 2011 by Lee A. Tonouchi. From Significant Moments in da life of Oriental Faddah and Son: One Hawai‘i Okinawan Journal (Bess Press, 2011) and Where are You From?: An Anthology of Asian American Writing (Createspace, 2012).
BIRTH
I would like fo’ tink
he started off wit one
yosh.
Or, if he wuz feeling
particularly peppy
maybe one unbridled,
one unrestrained
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH
for demonstrate
his virility.
Cuz I know
my Oriental Faddah,
he not one man
of many words,
of much emotion.
He probably made due wit
grunt.
Jus one grunt
fo’ send da message
dat he done,
through,
all pau,
time fo’ go sleep now.
Das all I can imagine
my Oriental Faddah
saying wen him and my Ma
wuz trying for conceive me.
He jus not da type fo’ say
“Oh yeah,
work it, baby, work it.
C’mon down,
let’s get funky
like a monkey.”
Nope.
Grunt.
Jus one.
PUBERTY
For my 13th birthday
my Oriental Faddah
gave me my long awaited
Cosby Show talk
about da birds
and da bees.
I know if Da Cos
did ’em
would probably take
forevah and a day
cuz wenevah Da Cos talks
ees always
so drawn out:
“Son, a long time agooooooo
the birds and the beeeeeeeees
hooked up. So that is whyyyyyy
The stork
took over
for them. . .”
I know my Oriental Faddah
could nevah
sustain one speech
fo’ dat long.
So I wuz anticipating
someting li’lo bit mo’ concise,
but not someting dat would take
only 2.2 seconds.
Cuz all he did wuz hand me
one black T&C T-shirt
wit one smiley face
balloon character
and fluorescent
yellow lettahs dat sed
“No Glove,
No Love.”
Das it,
no explainations.
Not even one hint
dat we wuz talking
metaphor.
COLLEGE
Aftah I wen graduate high school
my Oriental Faddah
wanted me for go
Harvard, Princeton, Stanford,
AND Yale.
He nevah know
wea any of those places wuz,
jus dat das wea I had fo’ go.
So I went
UC Irvine.
Das wea I wen discover
dat my Oriental Faddah
wuzn’t really
my Oriental Faddah.
He wuz my
“Asian American” Faddah.
Dey sed I can have one Oriental rug
or some Oriental furnitures,
but I cannot
CAN
NOT
have
one Oriental Faddah.
Oriental is one term you use
for da kine inanimate objecks.
Ass wot dey toll me.
So, I toll ’em,
“Oh, my Oriental Faddah,
he hardly sez anyting.
Das kinda like
being one inanimate objeck, ah.
Wotchoo tink?”
Ho, wen I sed dat
their faces wen jus
freeeeeze,
like dey couldn’t believe
I sed someting
as disrespeckful as dat.
Tsk, “Asian American” as why.
MARRIAGE
I came back home
wit one girlfriend
fiancé actually
who wuz one katonk.
Only she nevah know she wuz
one katonk.
She probably mo’ used to
da term
banana.
Either way, my Oriental Faddah
wuz happy
katonk, banana,
TWINKIE,
so long as Oriental he sed.
“Asian American,” she correck-ed.
Jus for fun
I took her to one
Frank Delima show
at da Polynesian Palace.
But she nevah laugh,
not even one chuckle
for wot she called
“the blatant
stereotyping
and racist
ethnic portrayals.”
So I started playing around, brah.
Aftah da show,
I started telling all my friends
“Eh, wassup Oriental!”
“Ooo, you frickin’ Oriental!”
“Brah, yo’ mama, she so Oriental
I bet she cannot see her chopsticks
unless she turn ’em sideways!”
I figgah I would take back
da term!
If Popolo people can
use da “N” word, den hakum
I cannot use da one
dat starts wit “O?”
EMPOWERING li’dat.
She tot I wuz nuts.
Out of my freakin’ mind!
So she got back on her plane
and leff.
Looking in da air
all I could tink wuz
Wot Lucille,
You going leave me now?!
Even though Lucille
wuzn’t even
her name.
DEATH
Right befo’
my Oriental Faddah died
he suddenly had
planny fo’ say.
“No watch Kingpin,
da movie juuunk.
The English Patient
mo’ bettah wuz, but
not as good as
da book.”
Ho, dat shocked da hell outta me
cuz I nevah know he went movies,
let alone read books.
I tot he jus stayed home
watched Abarenbo Shogun
on KIKU
and drank da kine green tea, li’dat.
But now he wuz giving me
da lowdown
on all da latest movies.
I toll ’em, Haw
I could jus picture him
on TV, brah.
At The Movies
wit Roger Ebert
and my Oriental Faddah.
And people would ax
“Oh, which one is Ebert?”
DUH, da one das not Oriental!
He laughed little bit
den he coughed
and axed
real soft
if I tot people
would really mix up
him
and Roger Ebert.
I toll ’em
Nah,
Roger Ebert
get glasses.
Das wot I toll
to
MY FADDAH.